I love black thongs
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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