he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
