She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize