Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
