You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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