I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
