I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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