This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize