I just pynch a tree in the face
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I believe in your delicious
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
