Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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