She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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