Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
