summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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