I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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