dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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