The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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