I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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