I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
