How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
