at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
