lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Green mimosas i think yes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
