what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
