I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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