fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
