He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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