Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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