I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
