He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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