i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
