We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
