I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
