Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize