And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
