put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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