The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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