Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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