I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
