i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
