Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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