Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
