Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
