Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
