I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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