I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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