I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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