...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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