remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
