Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
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