just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
