Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
