arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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