my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
