Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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