i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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