I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize