Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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