Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
