"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
