Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
