Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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