Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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