do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
