My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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