I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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