I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize