We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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