she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
