he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
