I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
