my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
