After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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