Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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